smile and just, pretend.

I didn't know how horrible i looked today.
until i scan myself through the mirror.
Not even scanning, just simply a glance.
It's so obvious. A statement already.
oooh man. i really wanna scream and shout.
But if i really do, everyone in the library will be alarmed.

Now i understand why i felt the pain for the whole frigging day.
Now i know.

The main reason for me not being confident for all these while was because of this.
The main reason of not choosing mass comm from the beginning was.. this. and confidence.
For me, mass comm is also about the appearance. the confidence within you.
ooooh man. i don't even have the confidence to face it tommorrow.
how am i gonna face this?!
I, myself also felt gross and disguisting bout it. What more the others?!
I know, it's gone.
goneeee into the winds. dissapeared. poooof.


Alright girl. Grow, please grow.
think in the positive way;
there are more people who got this, are much worse than you do.
Just be thankful and grateful that you're not as bad as some of them.
you've seen them before, right?
Just accept whatever that is given with an open heart.
Well, girl, you did well for the past whole month in college,
you do.
Just keep it up and don't fall just because of this.
That would be hard for you to climb up, again.
you've done great, just keep it up with your confidence.
i know u can. Believe in yourself :)
Dont forget, everything that God has given to you, it is with a purpose.


so yes, today is the last day of decision making. I guess some of the lines above already shown why am i staying back in Foundation in Business. T.T
besides, i dont wanna waste parents money lahhhh. I guess dad will be pissed off, especially after all his mega plans on me.
I'll just be good, finish up this whole frigging year and love maths for this whole year, and then later on only decide where i wanna head on.

oooh maths. ILY!
:D
lets be friends, alright? *hugs
LOL.



*edits
received a msg today.
my former school, usj 12, one of the dedicated teacher, Cik Chai passed away due to H1N1.
Checked Facebook, found of lots of info bout her.
if im not wrong, this mrng she passed away in the hospital. T.T and some teachers were quarantined. Including pn Yek, my maths teacher. :/
so usj 12 will be quarantined for the whole week.
Rest in peace, Cik Chai!


no one else will understand the amount of pain ive been thru for all these 18 years. no one does. :/
i know where am i standing, i know where is my standard. i'll just keep everything low.
but not my confidence, just like the previous years that ive been through.